Something of an amusing website!

I was looking on the internet the other day and I found this website.
It does reflect my attitude to life in a very scary way...




I might add some more cartoons if I find any more that amuse me!

I also found the Cyborg Name Generator, and this is the result 



 
On a side issue, I hope everybody has remebered that I will be 19 on Monday!
I prefer cheques, made out to T L JONES. Thanks!

I can't really think of anything eventful from last week, so this is it for now! 

 

One Week in Roehampton

Hey everybody!
This week I have been staying with my mate Liz (who is Jonny's girlfriend in case you didn't know) and her parents.
It was a top quality week, and here is a brief run of what I did.

By Sunday night I was fully sated by two meals at Dave and Stef's, and was too tired to go to London for the evening. So I got up Monday morning, in an attempt to get to work at usual time. After 2 alarms to wake me up, I got up to discover that we have no bread or milk for breakfast. It is worth noting that crumpets do NOT defrost well in a toaster.

I missed a few buses, but eventually got a train, which oddly enough was late!

Work was a bit of a doss, because Keely, our Planned Giving Co-ordinator, left on Wednesday, so we were winding down.

I also had a meal at All Souls Clubhouse, and was caught slightly unawares when I met Jordan, the organiser of the first week of SITC.

Now I only know 2 people called Jordan. A ginger boy I went to school with, and the one with the big "personality". So I was a little put off when Jordan the SITC person was a girl.

Finally getting to Lizzie's fifteen hours after I left the house I was shattered.

Unfortunately I had to be up for work in the morning!

Liz and I developed something of a morning ritual which involved messing about on the station and the train, and doing the Times 2 crossword.

I am shattered now, so I will bring the 2nd part of the week to you tomorrow!

For now, adoring fans, I hope all is well!

Maj

Tim's New Work

I think my new job is more cushty (Essex term) then my THQ. Yesterday night, I went to work at Cheldoc (the on-call centre for Chelmsford doctors.) Here I sat in a comfy chair or recliner, and sorted call slips. The thing is, we have a TV, video and the doctors sleep. So I slept for a bit, watched a couple of films and did a bit of work. We did have a funny call in, but I can't tell you what was involved (patient confidentiality!)
 
I was, of course, overjoyed to see Ahmed evicted from the BB5 house last night! He was really quite dull Not unlike like this site, some may say. Grrrr!)

It has been requested that I tell you about Gem and Natalie's new place.
It is very nice, perfect for the two of them.
 
Tonight is the production of "Catherine Booth" by The Jasperian Production Company. I am not going!
 
And now I have run out of stuff to blog about, though I do require a bit of help.
I am hoping to go to New York in September and could do to know of cool places to go (preferably cheap or free!)
 
If you have any suggestions, can you email me, or leave a message, or tell me in person when you see me.
 
Unfortunately I am away for the next week or so in Roehampton, but I will endeavour to blog next Saturday or Sunday!
 
Stay Safe!
Magic

Lowestoft South... Citadel... Wherever!

This weekend, the Chelmsford Citadel Band of the Salvation Army went to one of the corps in Lowestoft, in East Angular. I am not totally sure which one, but I think it was Citadel. Anyway, we set off from home at the ungodly hour of 8am (which apparently exists at weekends too!) on the the coach. The first half an hour or so was pretty uneventful, but the peace was soon disturbed when one of the female Songster Leaders in the band needed the toilet. So we stopped in a lay-by with toilets, and all the women (except Gemma, who didn't have a toilet partner) trapised off to powder their noses, or something like that. (After all, girls never pee!)
On their return, I decided to share my minidisc player around, so everyone could listen to the Songsters from Cuerpo Panama Templo. They were singing "Standing on the Promises" in both their native Spanish and English to make us feel at home. Their pianist isn't great, but they were praising God so it's ok!
Panama Templo Songsters!
They also had a band at Panama Templo, and they also made it onto the band coach playlist.
Panama Templo Band

The meetings were pretty good, although we were a little cramped in the hall. In the morning meeting, Jo S did the YP spot, but owing to lack of young people at the corps, a few "volunteers" were needed. This was, and I quote, a time for "payback"
As a result of this, some of the more laddish members of the band were called up to help!
Thus Bandsmen David Wright as a driver, with flat cap and horn, Tim Jones with a frilly maid's cap and inflated latex glove (I was the milk maid!), Nick Simmons-Smith with a green wig and cane as the cocoa picker, and Garry Smith and Adrian Hampel wearing silly hats!

After the open air witness in the town centre, where Nick (the trained musician) hit Alan (the trained musician) in the "Machines" drama, we had a lovely lunch. Some people had more than others, but that's life!
It is worth noting that the company at Colin Hanover's table was so scintillating that he fell asleep at the table!
Having just returend from sunny Spain, Lou felt the desperate need to show us (Garry, Stef and Myself) her new henna tattoos. We had all seen the one on her arm (how could we miss it?) but she also had one that was covered by her uniform. But not for long. She undid her skirt, slid down her tights a bit, and displayed "Shut Up and Obey" in Chinese script on the small of her back (well, yes, it was more like her bum, but I can't say that!)


The second open air was OK, and we played some good pieces (thought I did "spee-dah" a few notes!)

The evening meeting was led by John Hull, and the opening song was "Happy Birthday" to everyone's favourite loudmouth, Mr Harry Stubbs.
Lou managed to fall asleep during the sermon, but strangely awoke when they gave us chocolate!

After loading the coach, we got on our way back to Chelmsford.
Lou felt that she didn't have enough room in her TWO seats, so moved to lie across Garry, Stef and Dave, who were on the back seat. After a few moments, Garry leapt up, and ran down the coach. We still aren't quite sure why!
Now you have almost certainly heard of Kylie and Jason, and maybe of Johnny and Denise, but I am proud to introduce to you, the Salvation Army's answer to those esteemed double acts, Tim & Stef

Yes, Stef and I sang 80s and 90s tv themes and pop songs, LITERALLY from door-to-door!
We did however stop to sing "We love you Keith!" to Keith Wright, who was coachie for the day.
Nobody joined in, so we just carried on with such musical delights as "Sesame Street", "Fraggle Rock" and "Rainbow"

Here endeth this evening's post!
Laters!

Gospel Arts Weekend

This weekend saw the long awaited arrival of the Gospel Arts Festival at the Royal Albert Hall. We set off from home, went for a meal at a fab restaurant in Trocadero (which I can heartily recommend, its called OnAnon and does lunch up until 5pm, and it only costs £3 each.)
We then wended our way to the RAH and met Paul S in full ISB regalia (including tunic and cap!)
There were loads of familiar faces, including my mate General Gowans (who I saw twice!), as well as a few I didn't know.
One of the former, Miss Z Elliot, recounted an amusing tale about me and my shorts at Music School 2002. That was great, of course!
The concert itself was great, though a bit long. Joy Webb got the Order of the Founder, and the guy sat next to me gave her a standing ovation (though he was the only one who did)
The ISB and ISS were great, and they both filled their allotted time well (!)
The Troops and their marching was interesting, and the TYB had a pretty good go at "Faith Reborn", the musical tribute to the Seoul Boys Band.

On the journey home, I was assaulted by 2 drunken Spurs fans!
Well, not really assaulted, but they did open the toilet door on the train while I was in there.

On a side issue, read Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" 'cause it's a brilliant read.

I want to finish with a joke, but I can't think of any good ones.
So
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?




To see his flat mate!!!

A short one

Henman is rubbish, so are the English rugby side, and the English football team!
So much for a summer of sporting pride!
At least the cricket boys might win a couple of games!

And I want people to comment on here!
Hence I need to start a "completez la phrase"

Tim Henman, English tennis star, could be beaten.....

Add as you wish!

Various things that need to be put right!

In light of recent events, I feel that there are various issues that need to be addressed.
In a follow up to yesterday's post, it should be noted that it was not a chore to have Richard around for dinner yesterday, it was in fact a privilege to have not only an International Staff Songster, but also an illustrious territorial leader among us. For Richard is responsible for the Scouting (and Cubbing and Beavering) for the Salvation Army in the United Kingdom AND Ireland!
On top of all that he is a thoroughly nice bloke!
(See, now you have no excuse for beating me up on Wednesday!)

And, in a follow up to my post from Wednesday, I again propose a change of name for Tim Henman. I admit he is doing quite well, and is probably not quite as sissy as a hamster or guinea pig. Thus I can only suggest that he be called Terrier Tim. Yes, a little bit nasty, and maybe slightly dangerous, but still not up there with a tiger.

So that's it for the moment , but I might return after Terrier Tim triumphs against Mark Philipoopoo!

Fun Events of this Weekend

This weekend has been fairly eventful, with the amusing and/or notable bits starting on Thursday afternoon.
When I got out of Chelmsford rail station, who did I see but the YP Bandleader. Though there was something a little different about him. He was looking slightly more gifted in the nose department than I remember, for he had been at a Jewish wedding and, in wearing a skull cap (or yarmulke), had accepted the Semitic ways.
I supposed I should have expected it, with him being called David.
Therefore DTW should be renamed to David Dov Ben-Paul Wrightenstein.
(ed. David is, of course, the name of a Jewish king and Dov is Hebrew for bear (in honour of Dave's work hat)
Anyway!
Friday was a normal dull day at THQ, though I had a driving lesson, and shocked my instructor because I could do complex driving maneuvers in my "first" lesson.
By complex I mean moving off, changing gear, and the age-old left-hand reverse. Complex for a learner I guess.
Saturday was unproductive, especially as a result of my trip to Burtons Chelmsford. Evidently the only pair of the trousers I wanted left in the world are the ones that I took back for being too big!
I managed to sneak a quick peek at the private bit of the wedding, before tearing it up Longmead Avenue and nearly collapsing at the end.
After "freshening up" I went off to the wedding reception.
When I saw the blushing bride, who I am sure will agree can be described as being slightly unsubtle, I was greeted in a way you wouldn't expected to be greeted on a girl's wedding day! (I think it was "Hello Sexpot", but there may have been another term of endearment in there!)
Jo the bridesmaid (who felt like the best man and was looking beautiful) dragged me to the dance floor, where I would have looked stupid had Richard not been dragged up too!
Jo claimed that she only had 2 slow dances with me because I was rubbish the first time, but we both knew it was because I was the only handsome guy there!
Once Mr and Mrs Lewis were on their way, Lou (on her second trip to the reception) and I went for a drink in the village pub and talked about various people we knew.
Sunday was not quite as exciting, but we had Richard Mc I over for dinner. (We sure know how to have fun!)
Now I am off to bed, as I have to be up for work again tomorrow.

Wimbledon 2004

I know this is supposed to be a place for funnies, but I need a rant!
Why is it that while England are playing in Euro 2004, their best chance of winning a tournament in the past 20 years or so, "Neighbours" continues as normal, at 5.35 pm on either BBC1 or BBC2?
Yet when Wimbledon arrives, and it inevitably rains, they cancel "Neighbours" on both channels, in order to show a replay of Cliff Richard singing, or a 1974 match between two people we don't really care about! (By the way, 1974 was the last time there was any live play at Wimbledon!)
To top it all off, there will be a huge hype before "Tiger" Tim Henman's next match, when he will no doubt lose to some Eastern European blind dwarf with a limp. And why is he called "Tiger"?
Tigers are fierce, quick-witted, and deadly.
Henman isn't.
Thus, we should rename Tiger Tim to Guinea Pig Tim, or Hamster Tim, or some other fluffy and purposeless animal.
Rant over!

surreal meetings

I was just minding my own business at work today, when I sensed that someone was behind me. When I turned round, I was greeted by a familiar but somewhat unexpected face.
Yes, it was half of Gowans and Larsson
General John Gowans

That makes both of them I have seen!
(I met General John Larsson in the toilets of the Royal Albert Hall at Gospel Arts last year!)


Two generals in a year!
How I wish they did a Panini sticker set! I would be storming through it!