the rules by men

We always hear the rules from women, so now here are the rules from the men.

These are our rules!

Please note - these are all numbered "1" on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. Compromise! You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport. For your information, no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one - subtle hints do not work and strong hints do not work and obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem, so go and see a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

1. Don't be offended if you ask us if you are fat and we say yes - honesty is the best policy after all.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or you can tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will believe you. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but men
really don't mind that because it's like camping.

Timmy "Could be permanently single" Magic